Barely Adventist

• nieuwExplosive NYT Report Reveals Trump Gave Nothing To 13th Sabbath Offering
  NEW YORK, N.Y. --- A bombshell New York Times report into President Donald Trump's tax returns has revealed the US President gave exactly nothing to 13th Sabbath School offering over the last Read more [...]
  - 2 hours ago 29 Sep 20, 1:59am -
• Jonah Vows Never To Draw Straws Again
  Sweet Publishing / FreeBibleimages.org. ANCIENT NEWS --- Moments after Jonah hit dry land, the repentant prophet asked shocked bystanders for directions to Nineveh and told everyone he was turning Read more [...]
  - 5 days ago 24 Sep 20, 4:48am -
• Trump Attacks China With Choice EGW Quotes
  UN TV WASHINGTON, D.C. --- President Donald Trump has used a brand new weapon in his ongoing war of words and trade with China: Ellen G. White quotations. Trump prefaced his recent UN General Read more [...]
  - 6 days ago 23 Sep 20, 3:00am -
• Big Pharma Races To Release Anti-Anxiety Benefits Of Sabbath In Pill Form
  WORLD --- Pharmaceutical giants are sprinting to be the first to produce a Sabbath pill. Research labs are working around the clock to create medication allowing those that take it a feeling Read more [...]
  - 7 days ago 22 Sep 20, 2:53am -
• Annual Council To Vote By Mail-In Ballots
  SILVER SPRING, Md. --- Due to COVID-19 restrictions on air travel, Annual Council will be held virtually in October. Although Zoom has worked for General Conference committees and group presentations, Read more [...]
  - 11 days ago 17 Sep 20, 11:25pm -
• Nebuchadnezzar Statue Next In Line For Toppling
  ROME, Italy --- The Statue Preservation Association released a statement today announcing an imminent threat to another statue. "This time the statue slated for toppling doesn't depict a Read more [...]
  - 22 days ago 7 Sep 20, 4:19am -
• Trump Promises To Build Wall Around Adventist Subdivision In Heaven
  WASHINGTON, D.C. --- As Election Day looms, the Trump and Biden campaigns are appealing to voters of all stripes in an attempt to woo them. Both candidates are scraping the barrel when it comes to Read more [...]
  - 27 days ago 2 Sep 20, 6:11am -
• Apple: Even Adam & Eve Loved Our Products
  CUPERTINO, Calif. --- A team of Old Testament scholars recently hired by Apple have uncovered what they call "unmistakable evidence the first humans loved Apple products." The previously unemployed Read more [...]
  - 40 days ago 19 Aug 20, 4:55pm -
• La Sierra Announces Exclusively Online Dating For Fall
  RIVERSIDE, Calif. --- La Sierra University students hoping for romance this fall may have to settle for virtual flirting. As part of its announcement that classes would all be online for Read more [...]
  - 42 days ago 18 Aug 20, 6:49am -
• CDC Labels Hymnals Super Spreaders
  ATLANTA, Ga. --- Adventist hymnals are headed for the dumpsters after a statement released by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention calling the volumes "super spreaders." The CDC Read more [...]
  - 46 days ago 14 Aug 20, 3:28am -

World of Buzz

• nieuwCIMB Staff in Johor Bahru Branch Tests Positive For Covid-19, Safety Measures Taken
  There’s a constant fear within the nation on the spread of the Covid-19 virus, especially with the recent spike of cases. After yesterday’s update on cases by the Ministry of Health (MOH), it seems that the rakyat is starting to panic as the viru…
  - 60 mins ago 29 Sep 20, 3:27am -
• nieuw“It will burden students!” Syed Saddiq Calls Out Ministry For Late Notice On Postponing Registration
  On 27 September, the Ministry of Higher Education released a statement on Twitter to announce that all universities and institutions of higher learning are to postpone the registration of both new and returning students from red zones starting Octobe…
  - 1 hour ago 29 Sep 20, 3:12am -
• nieuw“Salam Kak, hantar gambar bogel” Someone Asked Adibah Noor For Nudes & Her Response Is Savage
  Well, this is definitely something! On 25 September, Malaysian actress Adibah Noor posted a screenshot of a DM sent by someone named Ahmad. The contents of the DM is a little… well, you guys can see for yourselves! In the exchange, we can see that…
  - 1 hour ago 29 Sep 20, 3:01am -
• nieuwVideo: Snatch Thief Pretends To Fill Petrol Before Robbing Victim At Sungai Buloh Fuel Station
  Time and time again we’re reminded that danger is inevitable no matter where you are. As people living in dangerous times, all we can do is just be careful, sometimes extra careful. This incident that happened at a Caltex Fuel Station at Paya Jaras…
  - 2 hours ago 29 Sep 20, 2:55am -
• nieuwA Sad Day For Millennials As FarmVille Announces They Will End The Game on 31 December 2020
  And we thought 2020 could not get any worse. Yesterday (28 September), it was announced that one of Facebook’s most memorable games will be shutting down. The sad news was posted on Zygna’s support site announcing that FarmVille will be shut down…
  - 2 hours ago 29 Sep 20, 2:38am -
• nieuwSelangor Has A New Covid-19 Cluster After M’sian Couple Returns From Sabah, 8 Infected So Far
  A new Covid-19 cluster has been detected in Selangor where a total of eight people have tested positive so far. According to the Ministry of Health the index cases for the Jalan Apas Cluster are a Malaysian couple (case 10,782 and 10,778) who had tra…
  - 2 hours ago 29 Sep 20, 2:30am -
• nieuwTwo Tapirs Injured On The Same Day After Being Hit By Cars While Crossing Road
  As more forests get destroyed to make way for roads and buildings, the more we see wild animals wandering about because their homes have been invaded by human civilisation. This puts them in grave danger, especially when it involves busy roads and mo…
  - 2 hours ago 29 Sep 20, 2:17am -
• nieuwNU Sentral? Taman Desa? Here’s A List Of Places In The Klang Valley With Confirmed Covid-19 Cases
  It comes as no surprise that the number of positive Covid-19 cases in Malaysia has been fluctuating with more clusters being reported especially by returnees from Sabah. Over the weekend, a number of prominent places in the Klang Valley and Petaling…
  - 3 hours ago 29 Sep 20, 1:30am -
• nieuwMOVIE PAINS: BM EDITION 2
  
  - 17 hours ago 28 Sep 20, 11:01am -
• nieuwIstana Negara: Agong Has Undergone Treatment for Food Poisoning, Now In Stable Condition
  Last week (22 September), the whole nation was shocked when the Yang di-Pertuan Agong was admitted at the National Heart Institute (IJN). Al-Sultan Abdullah was admitted to IJN after he raised concerns about being uncomfortable with his health. In a…
  - 18 hours ago 28 Sep 20, 10:33am -

Dave Berry's Blog - Grappig Nieuws

• nieuwCLEANUP IN STALL 3
  Man shot 'in the buttocks' by stray bullet while in the restroom (Thanks to pharmaross)
  - 13 hours ago 28 Sep 20, 3:12pm -
• nieuwGO FIGURE
  A schoolteacher whose body, face and tongue are covered in tattoos and who has had the whites of his eyes surgically turned black said he was prevented from teaching at a French kindergarten after a parent complained he scared their...
  - 14 hours ago 28 Sep 20, 2:29pm -
• nieuwGUYS IN ACTION
  Andy Jennings has set a new Guinness World Record after topping 40mph in a wheelie bin. (Thanks to Doug Ogg)
  - 14 hours ago 28 Sep 20, 2:27pm -
• nieuwWE DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHEN. WE *DO* KNOW THAT HE SHOOTS THE URINAL AFTERWARD.
  It is a question that has plagued the greatest minds of pop culture for almost two decades: when, exactly, does Jack Bauer go to the toilet? (Thanks to Gil Sharon)
  - 14 hours ago 28 Sep 20, 2:25pm -
• nieuwOTHER THAN THAT, IT WAS VERY ROMANTIC
  Man gets thrown from boat after marriage proposal fail in viral video (Thanks to John Lobert)
  - 14 hours ago 28 Sep 20, 2:22pm -
• nieuwNAH
  How the socks and sandals combo became cool (Thanks to John Lobert)
  - 14 hours ago 28 Sep 20, 2:21pm -
• CANADA'S DESCENT INTO ANARCHY CONTINUES
  Surrey, B.C. residents frustrated after beaver-chewed tree falls on townhouse complex again (Thanks to John Lobert)
  - 1 day ago 27 Sep 20, 6:10pm -
• OVERHEAD
  Delhi Cops Confiscate 160 Kg Marijuana but Only Report 1 Kg while Selling Off the Rest (Thanks to John Lobert)
  - 1 day ago 27 Sep 20, 6:08pm -
• THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS
  Loud bangs in trailer park turn out to be ravioli cans (Thanks to Lance Van Auken)
  - 1 day ago 27 Sep 20, 6:05pm -
• THAT WILL SURELY WIN HER BACK
  Man sent to prison for using drone to drop bombs near ex-girlfriend’s home (Thanks to pharmaross)
  - 1 day ago 27 Sep 20, 6:02pm -

News Biscuit - Grappig en Fake News

• nieuwReports that ‘a clue’ has been spotted in Downing Street remain unsubstantiated
  Reports circulating this morning that a clue was spotted going through the front door of 10 Downing Street remain uncorroborated, despite several eyewitnesses coming forward. Following a meeting of the highly influential Haven’t a Clue Committee, a…
  - 15 hours ago 28 Sep 20, 1:00pm -
• nieuwCatteries facing lickdown
  
  - 17 hours ago 28 Sep 20, 11:54am -
• nieuwMan upset by library closures complains that they ‘kept it quiet’
  
  - 17 hours ago 28 Sep 20, 11:53am -
• nieuwStudents resort to cannibalism after 48 hours in lockdown
  
  - 17 hours ago 28 Sep 20, 11:51am -
• nieuwTexas brain-eating water amoeba endorses Trump 2020
  
  - 17 hours ago 28 Sep 20, 11:26am -
• nieuwTrump dismisses Biden as ‘a loser’ for paying income tax
  During his daily briefing in the White House, a defiant Donald Trump replied to some tricky questions about his tax returns, using it as an opportunity to adjust the angle of his hair and attack US Presidential hopeful, Joe Biden. ‘How could anyone…
  - 17 hours ago 28 Sep 20, 11:00am -
• nieuwUK being governed by a diktat – any old tat dreamt up by a dik
  
  - 18 hours ago 28 Sep 20, 10:55am -
• nieuwTrump to bomb North Korea with hairspray
  It is understood that North Korea, Iran, China and Russia have attempted to stockpile millions of cans of Helmet Head but newly enforced sanctions have meant they have only been able to secure stocks of L’Oreal Elnett Satin.
  - 19 hours ago 28 Sep 20, 9:00am -

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