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Barely Adventist

  • nieuwKing David Referred To Compliance Committee For Dancing Half-Naked
    TODAY IN ANCIENT ISRAEL --- King David was referred to a compliance committee earlier today after religious leaders caught wind of the fact that he had spent a good portion of the day dancing Read more [...]
    - 47 mins ago 20 Aug 19, 6:20am -
  • Trump Tasks Maranatha Volunteers With Developing Greenland
    WASHINGTON, D.C. --- Right on the heels of expressing an interest in "buying" Greenland, US President Donald Trump has asked Adventist volunteer building organization, Maranatha, to develop the Read more [...]
    - 1 day ago 19 Aug 19, 6:37am -
  • “Liberated” Congregation Resolves Never To Call Sin By Its Right Name
    BREEZE, Calif. --- Members of Grace Fellowship Adventist Church held a formal candle light service last Friday night, vowing publicly never to dampen the congregational vibe by calling sin by Read more [...]
    - 4 days ago 16 Aug 19, 9:13am -
  • GC Compliance Committee Brought In To Stop Hong Kong Protests
    HONG KONG - Over-stretched Hong Kong law enforcement authorities have invited a General Conference compliance committee to put a stop to pro-democracy protests that have rocked the city for weeks. Read more [...]
    - 5 days ago 15 Aug 19, 10:12am -
  • Altar Call Time Limit Set At Seven Minutes
    ADVENTIST WORLD --- For the first time in their careers, Adventist evangelists are having to navigate an altar call time limit. New denominational altar call guidelines state that if evangelists Read more [...]
    - 8 days ago 12 Aug 19, 12:58am -
  • GC Requires Wedding Bands, Admits Ringless Marriages “Super Confusing”
    SILVER SPRING, Md. --- In the biggest reversal in church policy since, well, EVER, the GC is now requiring married Adventists to wear wedding bands. "Although we won't be opening jewellery Read more [...]
    - 9 days ago 11 Aug 19, 2:43am -
  • Contractor Transforms Basements Into Time Of Trouble Bunkers
    Mole Hill, Tenn. --- Stor Kallare, a licensed contractor with a specialty in "luxury, prophecy-savvy design" is currently over-booked transforming the basements of Adventists across the nation, Read more [...]
    - 11 days ago 9 Aug 19, 4:03am -
  • Gun Lover: Desmond Doss Is My Hero
    BACKFIRE, Mich. --- Gun-loving Adventist, Trig Dedo, couldn't be prouder of his hero, Adventist World War II veteran, Desmond Doss, who saved 75 lives in the Battle of Okinawa, all without carrying Read more [...]
    - 12 days ago 8 Aug 19, 2:16am -
  • Music Pastor Job Hunting After Playing Baby Shark During Children’s Offering
    BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. --- Bebo Greenley, who until recently was music pastor at Heavenly Waters Adventist Church in Berrien Springs, is on the hunt for fresh job leads after being fired last Read more [...]
    - 18 days ago 2 Aug 19, 10:57am -
  • Epcot Center Visits Now Count As Overseas Mission
    SILVER SPRING, Md. --- GC Missions strategists have confirmed that visits to Orlando's Epcot Center satisfy all the requirements for overseas mission as the place has a "super international feel Read more [...]
    - 19 days ago 1 Aug 19, 4:32am -

Lost at E Minor

Cake Wrecks

    Minions, today we celebrate the humble cupcake. Yes, YOU, little guy!See, what was once merely a paltry single-serving of cake has, under the expertise of today's bakers, become s…
    - 18 hours ago 19 Aug 19, 1:00pm -
  • Sunday Sweets Celebrates Disney Villains!
    You know how stores are already stocking Halloween decorations, and on the one hand you're annoyed (because "Sweet Stay Puft, it's still SUMMER!") and on the other hand you're kinda thrilled? (Because "Sweet Stay Puft, it's still Summer.") I feel y…
    - 2 days ago 18 Aug 19, 1:00pm -

World of Buzz


Verry Funny Pics

Dave Berry's Blog - Grappig Nieuws

    Wisconsin brewery recalls beer due to ‘risk of explosion’ (Thanks to pharmaross)
    - 19 hours ago 19 Aug 19, 12:14pm -
  • nieuwTRAITOR
    Guy Builds Huge, Incredible Racetracks For Squirrels In His Backyard (Thanks to Michael Myer)
    - 19 hours ago 19 Aug 19, 12:12pm -
    Kiefer Sutherland Seriously Injured in Fall on Tour Bus, Postpones Singing Tour (Thanks to Kevin Meerschaert)
    - 19 hours ago 19 Aug 19, 12:08pm -
    Dubliners Advised To Be On The Lookout For Drunk Pigeons (Thanks to Ralph)
    - 2 days ago 18 Aug 19, 4:57pm -
  • SIX OF ONE....
    Woman thought she had kidney stones, gave birth to triplets (Thanks to Scott Cramer)
    - 2 days ago 18 Aug 19, 4:55pm -
    A New Jersey school district is considering a plan to punish students who owe more than $10 in lunch debt by serving them tuna sandwiches on whole wheat bread. (Thanks to pharmaross)
    - 2 days ago 18 Aug 19, 4:53pm -
    The surprising merit of giant clam feces (Thanks to pharmaross)
    - 2 days ago 18 Aug 19, 4:51pm -
    A New Jersey woman is accused of torching a man's house after he invited her over for late-night sex, then fell asleep and did not hear her at his door. (Thanks to Barry Nester)
    - 2 days ago 18 Aug 19, 4:49pm -
    Florida man uses front-end loader to dump dirt on car his girlfriend drove, cops say (Thanks to Barry Nester, Jeff Meyerson, Ranald Adams, DaninDallas and Rod Nunley)
    - 2 days ago 18 Aug 19, 4:47pm -
    A couple in Australia and their pet dog were attacked by a giant carnivorous lizard (Thanks to Barry Nester)
    - 2 days ago 18 Aug 19, 4:46pm -



The Dodo Site

This Little Boy and His Duck are Inseparable | The Dodo Soulmates

- 18 hours ago 19 Aug 19, 1:00pm -
Guy Rescues Baby Deer From the Middle of a Lake | The Dodo Wild Hearts

- 2 days ago 18 Aug 19, 1:00pm -
Guy Fills His Home With Pitties No One Wants | The Dodo Pittie Nation

- 3 days ago 17 Aug 19, 1:00pm -
Rescue Dog and Her Mom Try Paddleboarding Together l The Dodo Destination: Firsts

- 3 days ago 16 Aug 19, 8:00pm -
Terrified Mom Finds Snake Behind the Fridge | The Dodo

- 4 days ago 16 Aug 19, 1:00pm -
Watch this Teeny Baby Grow Up Into the Most Gorgeous Pittie Ever! | The Dodo Little But Fierce

- 5 days ago 15 Aug 19, 1:00pm -
Woman Tries to Rescue a Stray Pittie Every Day for 3 Weeks | The Dodo Faith = Restored

- 6 days ago 14 Aug 19, 1:00pm -
Former President's Service Dog Is SO Excited To See His Mom | The Dodo Reunited

- 6 days ago 13 Aug 19, 8:00pm -
Stray Puppy Found Covered in Ticks Completely Transforms | The Dodo

- 7 days ago 12 Aug 19, 8:00pm -
Girl And Her Sheep Have The Most Perfect Friendship | The Dodo

- 8 days ago 12 Aug 19, 1:00pm -
This Elephant Fought Off A Lion When His Family Was In Danger | The Dodo

- 8 days ago 11 Aug 19, 8:00pm -
Top 5 Dog Weight Loss Transformations | The Dodo

- 9 days ago 11 Aug 19, 1:00pm -

News Biscuit - Grappig en Fake News

  • nieuwPensionable age to be set by Joseph Heller
    A leaked memo has revealed that the Government is considering raising the state pension age to ‘one day after your heart stops working’. At 75, this pension will be past the life expectancy of parts of the UK and only obtainable if you are a Whit…
    - 1 hour ago 20 Aug 19, 6:00am -
  • nieuwUK neglects to threaten US with no-deal
    In what some are calling a classic rookie mistake of counting your poker face before the chips have bolted, the UK is telling anyone who might be listening that it really, really wants to have a trade deal with the US without first pretending that it…
    - 17 hours ago 19 Aug 19, 2:00pm -
  • nieuwBoris says he ‘can’t be arsed discussing Brexit’ with Macron and Merkel
    As Prime Minister Boris Johnson prepares to travel to Germany and France this week, he doesn’t expect to raise the subject of Brexit. ‘It’s old hat now, can’t be arsed to tell the truth,’ he said, extracting surprise from colleagues at the…
    - 20 hours ago 19 Aug 19, 11:00am -
  • nieuwRunners ‘silently judging you’ says report
    'Yes, we have found you wanting... a cream bun, you fat bastard.'
    - 22 hours ago 19 Aug 19, 9:00am -
  • Talks scheduled with Postman Pat as Trump sets sights on Greendale
    Following his recent failed bid to buy Greenland from Denmark, it is understood Donald Trump has now set his sights on Postman Pat’s home village of Greendale. Speaking at The White House Mr Trump said: ‘OK so we didn’t succeed with The Danes b…
    - 1 day ago 19 Aug 19, 6:00am -
  • “Try having a German wife, like me.” Nigel Farage advises Prince Harry
    In a completely out of character rant in front of attendees at a right wing rally, MEP Nigel Farage has launched a very personal attack on Prince Harry over the woman he chose to marry. In front of a crowd of meatheads in Sydney, Farage said: “Here…
    - 2 days ago 18 Aug 19, 11:00am -
  • Theresa May buys up all the gaps in Toblerones to shore up Brexit strategy
    Prime Minister Theresa May has snapped up all the gaps between the triangles of chocolate in Toblerones, it has been revealed today. The news comes just weeks after manufacturer Mondelez International announced that it was reducing the distance betwe…
    - 2 days ago 18 Aug 19, 9:00am -
  • ‘Can we stop playing now? It’s not fun any more.’ whinges Corbyn
    After four long years as head of his party, beleaguered Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn has finally had enough of being piggy in the middle to Conservative oiks, who only throw the key to Number 10 to each other, denying him even the briefest look-in. At…
    - 2 days ago 18 Aug 19, 6:00am -


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Humor Outcasts

  • nieuwWhen the worst seat in the house becomes the best seat in the house…

    - 3 hours ago 20 Aug 19, 4:36am -
  • nieuwR. Cogburn’s Epiphany
    Artwork by Lauren Faulkenberry. Idea/text by Bill Spencer. Lauren Faulkenberry is a novelist and illustrator living in western North Carolina. Originally from South Carolina, she has worked as an archaeologist, an editor, and a ranger for the Nationa…
    - 19 hours ago 19 Aug 19, 12:10pm -
  • nieuwYuppies Agree: Nuns Make Best Spinning Instructors
    BOSTON.  It’s 5:55 a.m., and Julie Berman’s alarm clock just went off.  She’s not quite ready to get up, but she doesn’t hit the snooze button.  “I’ve got to start speed-dialing at 5:59 if I want to make the list for Sister Joe’s cla…
    - 19 hours ago 19 Aug 19, 11:49am -
  • Friend Zone Level: Ninja…

    - 1 day ago 19 Aug 19, 4:48am -
  • Golden Rules of Running
    Replace running shoes every 400 to 500 miles (or 4-5 years, whichever comes first). Wait to run for at least 2 hours after eating a meal (otherwise, be sure that you are only 2 minutes from the closest Port-A-Potty). Cross-training is your friend (cr…
    - 4 days ago 16 Aug 19, 11:47am -
  • Whither Butter Sculpture?
    It has been several years since Norma Lyon, the pre-eminent practitioner of a uniquely American art form–butter sculpture–died, and the deep impact of her demise becomes more clear with each passing day. “I can’t believe it’s not Jesus a…
    - 4 days ago 16 Aug 19, 11:31am -
  • Some people are bad at spelling. Others are ridikyulis…

    - 4 days ago 16 Aug 19, 5:17am -
  • Brokn
    Everything is brokn. Even the word “brokn” in this article is brokn. We’re told this all the time, like a brokn record. Here’s a list of all the things brokn in this world. • everything Health care, politics, education, immigration, the e…
    - 4 days ago 15 Aug 19, 7:24pm -
  • I Killed Mr. Lincoln
    There’s a joke that a British gardener left a suicide note of a single word—clay. If I told the joke, the punchline would be “roses.” Imagine you have a beloved 98-year-old grandmother. Let’s call her Rose. She needs extensive surgery every…
    - 5 days ago 15 Aug 19, 12:07pm -
  • Moi et Baudelaire in the Backseat on Vacation
    I first encountered Charles Baudelaire as a sophomore in college when I read Les Fleurs du mal, and to say that dawn broke on Marblehead, as the expression has it here in Massachusetts, would not be an understatement. No more “patter of little feet…
    - 5 days ago 15 Aug 19, 11:57am -

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