Barely Adventist

• Breaking: Mueller Report Almost As Exciting as Adventist Church Manual
  WASHINGTON, D.C. --- An independent panel of experts with nothing better to do have just completed an exhaustive reading of the recently-released Mueller Report and the most up-to-date edition Read more [...]
  - 4 days ago 19 Apr 19, 6:06am -
• Adventist Risk Management Bankrupt After Notre Dame Submits Fire Damage Claim
  SILVER SPRING, Md. ---  Adventist Risk Management has filed for bankruptcy after what it called an "apocalyptically-devastating insurance claim" filed by the Notre Dame cathedral this week. ARM Read more [...]
  - 5 days ago 17 Apr 19, 11:31pm -
• Homeland Security Secretary Resigns to Focus on Curfew Enforcement at Southern
  WASHINGTON, DC - This week, US Homeland Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen resigned her position after 16 months on the often controversial job of deploying Trump-era security tactics aimed at keeping Read more [...]
  - 11 days ago 12 Apr 19, 9:26am -
• Pastor Loses All Credibility After Cutting Off Deacon On Sabbath Morning
  Speedlane, Calif. --- Pastor Cal Rolinstop was already later than usual when he cut off a red SUV in a cartoonishly un-Christlike manner about half a mile from church last weekend. To the recently-ordained Read more [...]
  - 25 days ago 29 Mar 19, 1:33am -
• List of Adventist Royalty Published
  SILVER SPRING, Md. --- For the first time ever, a list of Adventist royalty has been published. The overwhelmingly male and graying list featured 1888 names, half of which were top-level church Read more [...]
  - 26 days ago 28 Mar 19, 9:32am -
• Mueller Report Fully Exonerates Carson of Office Napping Accusations
  WASHINGTON, D.C. --- Minutes after news that special prosecutor Robert Mueller had submitted his report, the US Department of Housing and Urban Development held a press briefing to say that HUD Read more [...]
  - 28 days ago 26 Mar 19, 12:13pm -
• Queer Eye Decides to Make Over Weimar’s Dress Code
  WEIMAR, Calif. --- The fashionistas on Netflix hit Queer Eye have offered to take on an entirely pro bono project in doing a makeover of Weimar Institute's dress code. The five grooming gurus Read more [...]
  - 40 days ago 14 Mar 19, 12:14pm -
• Deacons to Drive Out After-Church Socializers With Whips
  ADVENTIST WORLD --- Adventist deacons across the denomination have been given the authority to drive out confirmed over-socializers with whips if they do not clear the sanctuary within 15 minutes Read more [...]
  - 41 days ago 13 Mar 19, 11:02am -
• Sabbath Wading Oversight Committee Makes Splash
  SILVER SPRING, Md. --- A brand new oversight committee concerned exclusively with Sabbath wading, was announced in the General Conference auditorium this morning. Armed with bulky measuring sticks, Read more [...]
  - 47 days ago 7 Mar 19, 1:06pm -
• GC Auditorium Transformed Into State-Of-The-Art Echo Chamber
  SILVER SPRING, Md. --- A massive renovation project has transformed the General Conference auditorium into an echo chamber featuring cutting-edge technology that ensures those inside the hall Read more [...]
  - 53 days ago 1 Mar 19, 9:56am -

World of Buzz

• nieuw4 Gym Trainers Kena Food Poisoning After Eating 24 Oysters, Visit Toilet 20 Times
  The post https://www.worldofbuzz.com/4-gym-trainers-kena-food-poisoning-after-eating-24-oysters-visit-toilet-20-times/ appeared first on WORLD OF BUZZ. By continuing publishing our materials, you have knowingly infringed our intellectual property and…
  - 51 mins ago 23 Apr 19, 5:02am -
• nieuwPhilippines Struck by Magnitude 6.1 Earthquake, Killing At Least 8 and Injuring 20
  The post https://www.worldofbuzz.com/philippines-struck-by-magnitude-6-1-earthquake-killing-at-least-8-and-injuring-20/ appeared first on WORLD OF BUZZ. By continuing publishing our materials, you have knowingly infringed our intellectual property an…
  - 1 hour ago 23 Apr 19, 4:30am -
• nieuwHelpless 17y/o M’sian Girl Sexually Assaulted By Ambulance Staff While On The Way To Hospital
  The post https://www.worldofbuzz.com/helpless-17y-o-msian-girl-sexually-assaulted-by-ambulance-staff-while-on-the-way-to-hospital/ appeared first on WORLD OF BUZZ. By continuing publishing our materials, you have knowingly infringed our intellectual…
  - 2 hours ago 23 Apr 19, 4:21am -
• nieuwCap on RON95 Petrol Price May Be Removed After Govt Subsidy Comes Into Effect
  The post https://www.worldofbuzz.com/cap-on-ron95-petrol-price-may-be-removed-after-govt-subsidy-comes-into-effect/ appeared first on WORLD OF BUZZ. By continuing publishing our materials, you have knowingly infringed our intellectual property and co…
  - 2 hours ago 23 Apr 19, 3:41am -
• nieuwGobind Singh Plans to Make Internet Connectivity as Important as Water & Power Supply
  The post https://www.worldofbuzz.com/gobind-singh-plans-to-make-internet-connectivity-as-important-as-water-power-supply/ appeared first on WORLD OF BUZZ. By continuing publishing our materials, you have knowingly infringed our intellectual property…
  - 2 hours ago 23 Apr 19, 3:26am -
• nieuwMarried Shah Alam Manager Gets Scammed RM1.6 Million By Online Lover She Knew for 6 Months
  The post https://www.worldofbuzz.com/married-shah-alam-manager-gets-scammed-rm1-6-million-by-online-lover-she-knew-for-6-months/ appeared first on WORLD OF BUZZ. By continuing publishing our materials, you have knowingly infringed our intellectual pr…
  - 3 hours ago 23 Apr 19, 3:16am -
• nieuwIt’s Official: Shawn Mendes is Coming to Kuala Lumpur This 5th October!
  The post https://www.worldofbuzz.com/official-shawn-mendes-coming-kuala-lumpur-5th-october/ appeared first on WORLD OF BUZZ. By continuing publishing our materials, you have knowingly infringed our intellectual property and copyrights by reproducing…
  - 4 hours ago 23 Apr 19, 2:14am -
• nieuwM’sian Women Reveal Hijab Didn’t Stop Harassment in Revealing Twitter Thread
  The post https://www.worldofbuzz.com/msian-women-reveal-hijab-didnt-stop-harassment-in-revealing-twitter-thread/ appeared first on WORLD OF BUZZ. By continuing publishing our materials, you have knowingly infringed our intellectual property and copyr…
  - 19 hours ago 22 Apr 19, 11:14am -
• nieuwReport: About 1,000 Elephants Left in M’sian Forests, Many Other Species On Verge of Extinction
  The post https://www.worldofbuzz.com/report-about-1000-elephants-left-in-msian-forests-many-other-species-on-verge-of-extinction/ appeared first on WORLD OF BUZZ. By continuing publishing our materials, you have knowingly infringed our intellectual p…
  - 20 hours ago 22 Apr 19, 10:11am -
• nieuwTun M: Govt Will Study Racial Quota System in Matriculation Programme Intakes
  The post https://www.worldofbuzz.com/tun-m-government-will-study-racial-quota-system-in-matriculation-programme-intakes/ appeared first on WORLD OF BUZZ. By continuing publishing our materials, you have knowingly infringed our intellectual property a…
  - 20 hours ago 22 Apr 19, 9:58am -

Dave Berry's Blog - Grappig Nieuws

• nieuwWHAT'S THAT SMELL?
  Semi hauling human waste overturns on eastbound I-90 (Thanks to B'game, who says "It was eastbound for Washington, DC.")
  - 14 hours ago 22 Apr 19, 3:33pm -
• nieuwWE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE TROGGS
  Ancient pee stains help pinpoint humans' switch from hunters to herders, study shows (Thanks to pharmaross)
  - 15 hours ago 22 Apr 19, 3:11pm -
• nieuwBUT MILKING THE TOAD CAN BE STRESSFUL
  Smoking Psychedelic Toad Milk Could Alleviate Depression For Up To Four Weeks (Thanks to Chris Johnson)
  - 15 hours ago 22 Apr 19, 2:55pm -
• nieuwIN FLORIDA, THIS COUNTS AS VOTER SUPPRESSION
  CNN reporter stomps Florida lizard during live report (Thanks to pharmaross)
  - 15 hours ago 22 Apr 19, 2:50pm -
• nieuwHOLY WEEK IN FLORIDA
  The Easter Bunny literally beat someone up in downtown Orlando last night
  - 17 hours ago 22 Apr 19, 1:09pm -
• HAPPY EASTER, BLOG PEEPS
  
  - 2 days ago 21 Apr 19, 3:50pm -
• WHAT LANGUAGE IS THIS?
  I think this is a translation of Lessons From Lucy, but I have no idea what it says. It doesn't seem to say "Lucy" anywhere. The dog looks kind of like Lucy, but psychedelic.
  - 3 days ago 20 Apr 19, 5:27pm -
• LIFE ON THE COCKROACH FARM
  As farmer Li Bingcai opened the door to his cockroach farm in southwest China, an insect the size of a dart flew into his face. (Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)
  - 3 days ago 20 Apr 19, 3:46pm -
• REST IN PEAS
  Washington may become first state to legalize human composting (Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)
  - 3 days ago 20 Apr 19, 3:35pm -
• THEY'RE ALSO A GREAT OPENING ACT
  Glowing millipede genitalia help scientists tell species apart (Thanks to Ralph)
  - 3 days ago 20 Apr 19, 3:32pm -

News Biscuit - Grappig en Fake News

• nieuwThe Passion of Mark Francois
  Rumours are circulating today that bumptious Captain Mainwaring wannabe and MP for Rayleigh, Mark Francois, has sensationally resurrected himself after having been crucified on Friday by a group of Remainers who could no longer stick his nauseating p…
  - 14 mins ago 23 Apr 19, 5:39am -
• nieuwHMRC confirms any texts about tax rebates are definitely a scam. More soon.
  
  - 1 hour ago 23 Apr 19, 4:34am -
• nieuwKiev to host this years Fringe Festival. More soon.
  
  - 3 hours ago 23 Apr 19, 2:46am -
• nieuwJacob Rees Mogg ‘swigging meths on a train’ photos may be fake. More soon.
  
  - 3 hours ago 23 Apr 19, 2:34am -
• nieuwJesus returns. Finds himself swiftly moved on.
  Returning from the dead this Easter Sunday, Jesus was troubled to find most shops he needed to stage a convincing comeback shut. Ignoring the obvious irony, he managed to cobble together an outfit out of onion bags and old newspapers
  - 16 hours ago 22 Apr 19, 2:00pm -
• nieuwBrexit Campaigners & Eco-Protesters contest credit for ‘glorious Easter weather’. More soon.
  
  - 17 hours ago 22 Apr 19, 12:33pm -
• nieuwSeventy-six pubs ‘shutting per month’ to avoid Nigel Farage
  The ex-UKIP leader is threatening to campaign throughout the country, which by ‘country’, he means a photo opportunity with every purveyor of craft ale he can find. Sadly this has meant that nearly 1,000 UK pubs shut last year, in an attempt to s…
  - 19 hours ago 22 Apr 19, 11:00am -
• nieuwProtesters occupy London Eye & Start Running, to generate renewable energy. More soon.
  
  - 19 hours ago 22 Apr 19, 10:32am -

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