Barely Adventist

• nieuwKing David Referred To Compliance Committee For Dancing Half-Naked
  TODAY IN ANCIENT ISRAEL --- King David was referred to a compliance committee earlier today after religious leaders caught wind of the fact that he had spent a good portion of the day dancing Read more [...]
  - 47 mins ago 20 Aug 19, 6:20am -
• Trump Tasks Maranatha Volunteers With Developing Greenland
  WASHINGTON, D.C. --- Right on the heels of expressing an interest in "buying" Greenland, US President Donald Trump has asked Adventist volunteer building organization, Maranatha, to develop the Read more [...]
  - 1 day ago 19 Aug 19, 6:37am -
• “Liberated” Congregation Resolves Never To Call Sin By Its Right Name
  BREEZE, Calif. --- Members of Grace Fellowship Adventist Church held a formal candle light service last Friday night, vowing publicly never to dampen the congregational vibe by calling sin by Read more [...]
  - 4 days ago 16 Aug 19, 9:13am -
• GC Compliance Committee Brought In To Stop Hong Kong Protests
  HONG KONG - Over-stretched Hong Kong law enforcement authorities have invited a General Conference compliance committee to put a stop to pro-democracy protests that have rocked the city for weeks. Read more [...]
  - 5 days ago 15 Aug 19, 10:12am -
• Altar Call Time Limit Set At Seven Minutes
  ADVENTIST WORLD --- For the first time in their careers, Adventist evangelists are having to navigate an altar call time limit. New denominational altar call guidelines state that if evangelists Read more [...]
  - 8 days ago 12 Aug 19, 12:58am -
• GC Requires Wedding Bands, Admits Ringless Marriages “Super Confusing”
  SILVER SPRING, Md. --- In the biggest reversal in church policy since, well, EVER, the GC is now requiring married Adventists to wear wedding bands. "Although we won't be opening jewellery Read more [...]
  - 9 days ago 11 Aug 19, 2:43am -
• Contractor Transforms Basements Into Time Of Trouble Bunkers
  Mole Hill, Tenn. --- Stor Kallare, a licensed contractor with a specialty in "luxury, prophecy-savvy design" is currently over-booked transforming the basements of Adventists across the nation, Read more [...]
  - 11 days ago 9 Aug 19, 4:03am -
• Gun Lover: Desmond Doss Is My Hero
  BACKFIRE, Mich. --- Gun-loving Adventist, Trig Dedo, couldn't be prouder of his hero, Adventist World War II veteran, Desmond Doss, who saved 75 lives in the Battle of Okinawa, all without carrying Read more [...]
  - 12 days ago 8 Aug 19, 2:16am -
• Music Pastor Job Hunting After Playing Baby Shark During Children’s Offering
  BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. --- Bebo Greenley, who until recently was music pastor at Heavenly Waters Adventist Church in Berrien Springs, is on the hunt for fresh job leads after being fired last Read more [...]
  - 18 days ago 2 Aug 19, 10:57am -
• Epcot Center Visits Now Count As Overseas Mission
  SILVER SPRING, Md. --- GC Missions strategists have confirmed that visits to Orlando's Epcot Center satisfy all the requirements for overseas mission as the place has a "super international feel Read more [...]
  - 19 days ago 1 Aug 19, 4:32am -

World of Buzz

• nieuwOnline Group Chat Teaches Girls How to Lose Weight by Using a Plastic Pipe to Induce Vomiting
  The post https://www.worldofbuzz.com/online-group-chat-teaches-girls-how-to-lose-weight-by-using-a-plastic-pipe-to-induce-vomiting/ appeared first on WORLD OF BUZZ. By continuing publishing our materials, you have knowingly infringed our intellectual…
  - 1 hour ago 20 Aug 19, 5:46am -
• nieuwImpromptu Rap Battle at M’sian Mamak Goes Viral After Guy Responds to Stranger’s Freestyle With Fire Verse
  The post https://www.worldofbuzz.com/impromptu-rap-battle-at-msian-mamak-goes-viral-after-guy-responds-to-strangers-freestyle-with-fire-verse/ appeared first on WORLD OF BUZZ. By continuing publishing our materials, you have knowingly infringed our i…
  - 1 hour ago 20 Aug 19, 5:42am -
• nieuwWoman Hires Killers to Murder Mother So She Can Use Inheritance to Bail BF From Jail
  The post https://www.worldofbuzz.com/woman-hires-killers-to-murder-mother-so-she-can-use-inheritance-to-bail-bf-from-jail/ appeared first on WORLD OF BUZZ. By continuing publishing our materials, you have knowingly infringed our intellectual property…
  - 2 hours ago 20 Aug 19, 5:14am -
• nieuwUTAR Student Shocked When BF Asks Her for IC As Guarantee After He Helped Her Pay RM97
  The post https://www.worldofbuzz.com/utar-student-shocked-when-bf-asks-her-for-ic-as-guarantee-after-he-helped-her-pay-rm97/ appeared first on WORLD OF BUZZ. By continuing publishing our materials, you have knowingly infringed our intellectual proper…
  - 3 hours ago 20 Aug 19, 3:47am -
• nieuwWatch: Man Steals Woman’s Handbag at Mid Valley Jewellery Shop & No One Even Notices!
  The post https://www.worldofbuzz.com/watch-man-steals-womans-handbag-at-mid-valley-jewellery-shop-no-one-even-notices/ appeared first on WORLD OF BUZZ. By continuing publishing our materials, you have knowingly infringed our intellectual property and…
  - 3 hours ago 20 Aug 19, 3:38am -
• nieuwRM676mil of Cocaine & Ketamine Seized by PDRM in Biggest Drug Bust in M’sian History
  The post https://www.worldofbuzz.com/rm676mil-of-cocaine-ketamine-seized-by-pdrm-in-biggest-drug-bust-in-msian-history/ appeared first on WORLD OF BUZZ. By continuing publishing our materials, you have knowingly infringed our intellectual property an…
  - 4 hours ago 20 Aug 19, 3:08am -
• nieuwZakir Naik Apologises For Causing Racial Discord, Barred From Speaking in Every State In Malaysia
  The post https://www.worldofbuzz.com/zakir-naik-apologises-for-causing-racial-discord-barred-from-speaking-in-every-state-in-malaysia/ appeared first on WORLD OF BUZZ. By continuing publishing our materials, you have knowingly infringed our intellect…
  - 4 hours ago 20 Aug 19, 2:44am -
• nieuw9yo Boy Becomes Cross-Eyed After Playing Mobile Games for 10 Hours Every Day During School Holiday
  The post https://www.worldofbuzz.com/9yo-boy-becomes-cross-eyed-after-playing-mobile-games-for-10-hours-every-day-during-school-holiday/ appeared first on WORLD OF BUZZ. By continuing publishing our materials, you have knowingly infringed our intelle…
  - 5 hours ago 20 Aug 19, 2:04am -
• nieuwUtusan Malaysia and Kosmo! May Be Totally Shutdown Due To Insufficient Funds, Workers’ Salaries Are Still Unpaid
  The post https://www.worldofbuzz.com/utusan-malaysia-and-kosmo-may-be-totally-shutdown-due-to-insufficient-funds-workers-salaries-are-still-unpaid/ appeared first on WORLD OF BUZZ. By continuing publishing our materials, you have knowingly infringed…
  - 7 hours ago 20 Aug 19, 12:29am -
• nieuwJohor Man Meets Paralysed Girl on PUBG, They Unexpectedly Fall in Love & Get Married
  The post https://www.worldofbuzz.com/johor-man-meets-paralysed-girl-on-pubg-they-unexpectedly-fall-in-love-get-married/ appeared first on WORLD OF BUZZ. By continuing publishing our materials, you have knowingly infringed our intellectual property an…
  - 20 hours ago 19 Aug 19, 10:50am -

Dave Berry's Blog - Grappig Nieuws

• nieuwWE’VE HAD BEER LIKE THAT
  Wisconsin brewery recalls beer due to ‘risk of explosion’ (Thanks to pharmaross)
  - 19 hours ago 19 Aug 19, 12:14pm -
• nieuwTRAITOR
  Guy Builds Huge, Incredible Racetracks For Squirrels In His Backyard (Thanks to Michael Myer)
  - 19 hours ago 19 Aug 19, 12:12pm -
• nieuwDAMMIT, CHLOE, THERE’S *NO TIME*
  Kiefer Sutherland Seriously Injured in Fall on Tour Bus, Postpones Singing Tour (Thanks to Kevin Meerschaert)
  - 19 hours ago 19 Aug 19, 12:08pm -
• YOU CAN RECOGNIZE THEM BY THEIR VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES
  Dubliners Advised To Be On The Lookout For Drunk Pigeons (Thanks to Ralph)
  - 2 days ago 18 Aug 19, 4:57pm -
• SIX OF ONE....
  Woman thought she had kidney stones, gave birth to triplets (Thanks to Scott Cramer)
  - 2 days ago 18 Aug 19, 4:55pm -
• CRUEL AND UNUSUAL
  A New Jersey school district is considering a plan to punish students who owe more than $10 in lunch debt by serving them tuna sandwiches on whole wheat bread. (Thanks to pharmaross)
  - 2 days ago 18 Aug 19, 4:53pm -
• WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR PHISH
  The surprising merit of giant clam feces (Thanks to pharmaross)
  - 2 days ago 18 Aug 19, 4:51pm -
• DO NOT MESS WITH THEM
  A New Jersey woman is accused of torching a man's house after he invited her over for late-night sex, then fell asleep and did not hear her at his door. (Thanks to Barry Nester)
  - 2 days ago 18 Aug 19, 4:49pm -
• IF THAT DOESN'T WIN HER HEART, WE DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL
  Florida man uses front-end loader to dump dirt on car his girlfriend drove, cops say (Thanks to Barry Nester, Jeff Meyerson, Ranald Adams, DaninDallas and Rod Nunley)
  - 2 days ago 18 Aug 19, 4:47pm -
• YOUR POINT?
  A couple in Australia and their pet dog were attacked by a giant carnivorous lizard (Thanks to Barry Nester)
  - 2 days ago 18 Aug 19, 4:46pm -

News Biscuit - Grappig en Fake News

• nieuwPensionable age to be set by Joseph Heller
  A leaked memo has revealed that the Government is considering raising the state pension age to ‘one day after your heart stops working’. At 75, this pension will be past the life expectancy of parts of the UK and only obtainable if you are a Whit…
  - 1 hour ago 20 Aug 19, 6:00am -
• nieuwUK neglects to threaten US with no-deal
  In what some are calling a classic rookie mistake of counting your poker face before the chips have bolted, the UK is telling anyone who might be listening that it really, really wants to have a trade deal with the US without first pretending that it…
  - 17 hours ago 19 Aug 19, 2:00pm -
• nieuwBoris says he ‘can’t be arsed discussing Brexit’ with Macron and Merkel
  As Prime Minister Boris Johnson prepares to travel to Germany and France this week, he doesn’t expect to raise the subject of Brexit. ‘It’s old hat now, can’t be arsed to tell the truth,’ he said, extracting surprise from colleagues at the…
  - 20 hours ago 19 Aug 19, 11:00am -
• nieuwRunners ‘silently judging you’ says report
  'Yes, we have found you wanting... a cream bun, you fat bastard.'
  - 22 hours ago 19 Aug 19, 9:00am -
• Talks scheduled with Postman Pat as Trump sets sights on Greendale
  Following his recent failed bid to buy Greenland from Denmark, it is understood Donald Trump has now set his sights on Postman Pat’s home village of Greendale. Speaking at The White House Mr Trump said: ‘OK so we didn’t succeed with The Danes b…
  - 1 day ago 19 Aug 19, 6:00am -
• “Try having a German wife, like me.” Nigel Farage advises Prince Harry
  In a completely out of character rant in front of attendees at a right wing rally, MEP Nigel Farage has launched a very personal attack on Prince Harry over the woman he chose to marry. In front of a crowd of meatheads in Sydney, Farage said: “Here…
  - 2 days ago 18 Aug 19, 11:00am -
• Theresa May buys up all the gaps in Toblerones to shore up Brexit strategy
  Prime Minister Theresa May has snapped up all the gaps between the triangles of chocolate in Toblerones, it has been revealed today. The news comes just weeks after manufacturer Mondelez International announced that it was reducing the distance betwe…
  - 2 days ago 18 Aug 19, 9:00am -
• ‘Can we stop playing now? It’s not fun any more.’ whinges Corbyn
  After four long years as head of his party, beleaguered Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn has finally had enough of being piggy in the middle to Conservative oiks, who only throw the key to Number 10 to each other, denying him even the briefest look-in. At…
  - 2 days ago 18 Aug 19, 6:00am -

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